Jonathan C.
- In May 2020, my parents and I decided to purchase an empty lot and build a home for the three of us.
- As a Mexican-American, living with my parents as an adult is more culturally acceptable.
- There were some arguments and tough conversations along the way, but it all worked out.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Jonathan C., a 30-year-old elementary school teacher based in San Diego, Calif. According to Zillow, the average value of a San Diego home in May 2020 was about $650,000. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I've lived with my parents on and off for the past 10 years, so in 2020, we decided to make a more permanent joint investment in our living situation.
After I'd moved back to their home in Southern California at the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic, the three of us decided to look for a property I call "faux rural." We wanted something outside of San Diego but still a short drive away from the city.
The decision to build a house came when an opportunity presented itself in the form of an empty lot being sold by a divorced couple for a big discount. We took the project on in May 2020, and now the house is complete. We love it.
We wanted an escape
There was a lot of pressure at the onset of the pandemic to find an escape from everything. It was a fear-based decision in the moment, but it's paid off for different reasons now. My parents covered 60% of the building costs while I was responsible for the remaining 40%.
We're a middle-class family, so we built a standard two-story, five-bedroom Southern California home, situated about 20 miles outside of San Diego, for between $250,000 and $600,000.
My dad is a construction worker, so we saved a lot of money on the whole project by not having to hire a contractor. His connections allowed us to find good deals on plumbing, electricity, and more.
It became my job without a job
Like a lot of people, I lost my job in the early months of the pandemic, so I was relying a lot on my savings from the eight years prior. However, the lack of employment allowed me to be really involved in the building process for the year and a half I was without work.
My mom and I spent 10-hour shifts overseeing the building process at the lot. The beginning was the hardest because you're just there in a barren lot standing by to answer any questions the builders may have.
There were many hard arguments between my parents and I since we're all financially locked into this house. The build caused a lot of tension because there were so many little issues that would arise. But since the completion, we've gotten along just fine.
Use your resources
Living with my parents as a full-grown adult has been kind of nice. Now that I'm older and not going out most weekends, they've become two of my closest friends, and I'm really glad I can say that.
In the US, there's this idea of getting out at 18 or having to pay rent to your parents, and I find it so bizarre that a parent would do that to their child. As a Mexican-American, growing up I was told to go to school and get a good job, then start helping out the family.
As the youngest of their five children, and a gay man with no kids, it feels like a blessing that we could help each other achieve this big accomplishment. Now this will be the house that I grow old in.
This story was originally published in February 2023.