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- Insider's latest work-advice column is about what to do when you hate your new job.
- Even in your misery, experts say it's important to look for signals that the job might get better.
- But there might also be situations when it's time to cut your losses early and quit.
I started a new job as a product manager about two months ago — and I am miserable. I'm not sure if it's the job, or if it's me, or what, but I need some advice.
I'm in my 40s, and I've had a good career. I've worked for established, prestigious brands and I've done two stints abroad. Late last year, I got laid off late from a job I really liked and was good at. The layoff was hard to swallow, but it also gave me a chance to really think about what I wanted to do next. I decided to focus on product- and tech-focused companies.
My new job is exactly that, and I can't stand it. Part of the issue, I think, is that we have clients who pay us to do tech projects for them. Our team has to really work hard for the length of the contract — there's barely time to breathe before the next big project hits.
I'm glad my job is remote because I've cried so many times since I started. I feel like I don't know enough. I tried to talk to my boss, but she doesn't even know what I've been assigned. I feel like I should quit, but I also realize that in this economy, leaving a steady paycheck is probably stupid.
I'm hardly the only person who's started a new job and feels overwhelmed, but I worry that my situation is at a whole different level. How can I tell if things are going to get better or if I should just leave?
Years ago, when I was a few months into a new job, a friend asked me how I liked it. I tepidly responded that I wasn't sure yet — it hadn't been long enough, and I was still finding my way. These were all excuses: I hated it, but I thought I needed to give it more time.
My friend, however, saw through my hand-wringing. "Starting a new job is kind of like dating," he told me. "Even when it's only the beginning, you know if it's going to work out or not."
This is all to say that while it's common to feel uncertain when starting a new job, frequent crying is a sign that something isn't right. The question is whether your tears are temporary.
"There are lots of growing pains when you take a new job," Elizabeth Pearson, a career coach and the author of the new book, "Career Confinement: How to Free Yourself, Find Your Guides, and Seize the Fire of Inspired Work," told Insider. "You're becoming a freshman again when you used to be a senior — and that's uncomfortable."
The change often triggers feelings of imposter syndrome and self-doubt, she added. "That's when that doomsday narrative takes over your brain and you focus on weak points: mistakes you're making, tasks you're unsure of, and things about the culture that rub you the wrong way."
Ruminating isn't healthy. Instead, you need to pinpoint the cause, or causes, of your unhappiness. Is it the work or the workload? Is it the job or the environment? Is it the pressure or the lack of guidance from your manager? Once you have a clear understanding of the source of your unhappiness, you can plot your next steps.
Reflect, too, on what you like about the job — hopefully, there's something. Maybe a colleague that you enjoy interacting with? A project you want to dig into? Or perhaps you've had moments of flow state? Flow, or what one strategist calls the "zone of genius," is a state of complete absorption and focus in an activity or task.
A job without any flow is likely to remain pretty terrible, Pearson said. "You need to feel joy, fulfillment, curiosity, and excitement at some points in your day," she said.
Next, have a conversation with your manager and explain that you need more support. Get clear on expectations. You seem to be under the impression that you have to figure out everything on your own. Ask your boss what's expected of you in the first 90 days on the job. You might find that you're being way too hard on yourself. And if your boss isn't helpful in this conversation, that could be an important indication that perhaps this job is not the right fit.
Be sure to talk to colleagues, too. And reach out to people on LinkedIn at organizations similar to yours. Ask them what their day-to-day is like and if there are usually cycles to the workload. Your goal is to figure out if what you're experiencing is just the gig or if you've happened to start at a particularly rough time.
As you're doing these things, it's smart to explore other opportunities. Standard job-search advice applies here: Update your résumé, reach out to your network, and apply to companies that align with your interests and experience.
The decision to quit is yours and yours alone, and it involves a number of financial and professional considerations. There are arguments for staying — including this uncertain economy — and arguments for cutting your losses.
But take it from me, don't stay in a job that makes you miserable. I stuck around a little too long at my old company, and I should have left sooner. No job is worth sacrificing your mental health.