Keyatta Mincey-Parker
- Keyatta Mincey Parker has 21 years of bartending experience.
- Parker says it's rude to snap your fingers to get a bartenders' attention and you might be ignored.
- Parker also suggests tipping at least 18% for good service.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Keyatta Mincey Parker, the executive director of "A Sip of Paradise Garden," a community garden for bartenders in Atlanta, GA. The following has been edited for length and clarity.
I have been bartending for 21 years. I also run cocktail classes and consult for various restaurants to help them build their menu and train their staff.
I've been in this industry for two decades and still see people make the same mistakes at the bar. Here are five of the biggest ones I notice.
1. Snapping your fingers
Don't: Snap your fingers to get bartenders' attention — it's rude
Don't wave and snap your fingers at bartenders. This comes off as rude and it will probably get you ignored.
Do: Make eye contact
If you feel you've been waiting too long and no one has acknowledged you, try making eye contact, nodding, or raising your hand. Always treat your bartender the way you would like to be treated. We see you, and we'll get to you as soon as we can.
2. Sending a drink to a stranger
Don't: Send a stranger you find attractive a drink directly
If you want to send a drink to a stranger you find attractive, it's essential to be cautious. Some people may be flattered by that, while others may feel turned off. Maybe 10 years ago this might have been a thing, but these days I would avoid it.
Do: Check with the bartender first
Even though it's a polite gesture, people are cautious of strangers who don't have the best intentions: What if they put something in the drink?
Instead of directly sending a drink to someone, I suggest checking in with the bartenders first. You can ask the bartender, "Hey, I would like to buy a drink for the lady at the end of the bar, could you ask her if that's okay?"
This way, the recipient has the choice to either accept it or refuse it. After all, you don't know the person's situation and it's always good to err on the side of caution.
3. Reading the menu out loud
Don't: Read the entire menu obnoxiously
Some people come to the bar, get the menu, and read the entire menu out loud as if they've never seen one before. It can be a little obnoxious. While we appreciate the excitement and eagerness, please be aware of the surroundings because that could annoy someone else next to you.
Do: Ask questions
It's okay not to know everything on the menu, or not know what you want to order. We are very happy to answer questions for you because we want to give you the best experience. We don't want you to order something you hate and then you're stuck with it, then you get pissed off.
If you don't know what something on the menu is, please ask. You can say, "I'm sorry, what is Saint Germain?"
Feel free to give us an example of the spirits and flavors you like. For example, you can ask, "Hey, I can't think of anything that I really want right now — can you make me something with tequila?" or, "I usually like margaritas, can you make me something like it?" This will give me a focal point to start on.
Also, allow us to ask you questions such as, "What do you usually drink when you go out?" and "Do you want something strong?" so I can engage in creating the drink you possibly like.
4. Leaving a small tip
Don't: If you racked up a tab of over a hundred dollars, don't just leave a $5 tip
Your tip should be based on how much you spend. If you've been enjoying drinks and racked up more than a $100 tab, leaving a measly $5 tip is pretty terrible.
Do: Tip at least 18% for good service
When I'm at a bar, I'll tip at least 18%. I'm a bartender myself, so I understand what it's like to be behind bars and what it feels like when receiving no tips at all.
However, I don't support tipping all the time — If somebody gave you bad service at a bar, it's essential to address it. Before you leave, take a moment to let someone who works at the bar know about your experience. It's the only way to address it and hopefully prevent such behavior in the future.
5. Not communicating
Don't: Come to the bar being rowdy and unruly
It's going to be difficult for us to understand what's happening here.
Do: Tell your bartender about your situation, like time constraints or who's paying
If you're going to a bar in a big group, communicate with us and let us know what is happening. For example, who's taking care of the first round of drinks, who's next, and how many tabs do you want to start? This helps your bartender have more control over the situation.
If you're waiting for a friend or just grabbing a quick drink before dinner, let us know, too, so we can serve you with the consideration of urgency.
Bartenders are both problem solvers and peacemakers
As bartenders, we have to be aware of everything that is going on at the bar. You never know if someone has entered the bar already drunk — serving just one drink might push them over the edge. This makes it important for us to observe people's behaviors.
If I notice someone who appears more touchy, chatty, or angry, I'll put a glass of water in front of them to help them calm down a bit.
A good bartender remembers faces. They may not remember the name, but especially if you see people sitting together or grouping together, again, we're watching all of this, we're watching everything in real-time. We do not let people leave when they look visibly inebriated, which is all bad for everyone involved.
If you work in the hospitality or service industry and have etiquette rules you'd like to share, email Aria Yang at ayang@insider.com.