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Courtesy of Rebecca Chamaa
- I started working when I was in junior high, and I've always been glad to be able to earn money.
- I have chronic paranoid schizophrenia, and I haven't been able to work full-time since a 2006 episode.
- I've adapted as much as I can, but the limitations on when and how I can earn money are demoralizing.
I've worked a variety of odd jobs since junior high. I first started with babysitting, stuffing envelopes, and cleaning apartments for the landlord of a building we lived in. Later in high school and college, I worked in a salmon hatchery for two seasons, and I had a job as an event coordinator and conducted surveys door-to-door.
In other words, I've spent all but a few years of my life as someone who could and did make money and start thinking about financial planning. I was able to start earning and saving money for the things I wanted to do.
Growing up, I had money to go for sub sandwiches for lunch with friends or to spend an evening playing arcade games at the best pizza place in town. I also had money for things like lip gloss and seeing "Star Wars" seven times the year it came out (going to the movies was much less expensive back then).
My disability has kept me from earning money in adulthood
After college, I worked full-time as a marketing assistant at an architectural firm, a public services coordinator in a library, and marketing at a senior community. But then I had a severe psychotic episode in 2006.
After that episode, I never recovered the level of functioning I had before. I had far more limitations than previously. I'm not able to support myself financially because of my disability, which has been crushing to my self esteem.
Since 2006, I've tried over and over again to go to work full-time. I've attempted jobs I thought would be more physical and less stressful, like ushering at plays and events in my city and working in a warehouse. I lasted less than two hours in the warehouse and less than two weeks as an usher before I was overwhelmed by symptoms at work and had to leave mid-shift to avoid a more severe episode.
I can't seem to find a flexible job to accommodate the limitations of my illness. It isn't for lack of trying, though. I subscribe to a remote job listing newsletter and pay for subscriptions to newsletters with calls for writers.
Remote work helps, but it isn't enough
I currently have four regular part-time jobs, and I am a freelance writer. Although I love everything I do, I can't cobble enough work together to pay for my medical care or housing. I rely on my spouse's income for our healthcare and housing because, like others with chronic paranoid schizophrenia or other disabilities, I can't predict when my symptoms will be at their worst. That makes a 9-to-5 job almost impossible without flexibility and accommodation.
During the pandemic, when everything went online, many doors opened for me, but I can't afford the necessities even with all the side gigs I have pieced together. The hard truth is that I would have to seek housing with a family member without my husband's income.
Working from home gives me the best chance of meeting deadlines and teaching workshops or leading classes on Zoom. I can better manage all of my symptoms when I am at home, and I have much more control over my time. For example, I don't schedule too many things in one day. Also, when given a writing deadline, when I am feeling well, I work on it as soon as possible to ensure that I will still meet the deadline if I have a symptomatic day.
The cost of my disability is unpredictable
Even with the steps I take to manage my finances, I may not be able to afford the treatment my illness requires, like regular appointments with a psychiatrist, lab work, therapy, and medication. That doesn't even include all the other yearly exams necessary for a woman my age.
I'm sure there are those people who believe I am lazy or that I don't want to work. I continuously update my skills to make myself more marketable (I just finished a certificate program in May), but schizophrenia is a wild card. I never know when I'll be unable to work or when I will be at my most productive.
For someone who started earning money as young as 12 or 13, to be in my 50s and forced to rely on someone else for even the most basic needs, is a pill that I find has more negative side effects than the medication I take to manage my illness.
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