Chelsea Jia Feng/Insider
- Sam Bankman-Fried sent Caroline Ellison a pros and cons list on their romantic relationship.
- The list had more cons than pros, one of which was his lack of empathy, according to a new book.
- Bankman-Fried is on trial over FTX's collapse and Ellison is expected to be a key witness.
Sam Bankman-Fried sent his on-and-off again girlfriend Caroline Ellison a list of the pros and cons of being in a physical relationship with him, according to a new biography on the former CEO of FTX.
On Tuesday, "The Big Short" author Michael Lewis' new book on Bankman-Fried hit the shelves. The book includes several new revelations about the FTX cofounder, including details on his past relationship with the former Alameda Research CEO.
In the memo, which was published in the book, Bankman-Fried laid out a slew of cons for a sexual relationship with him, which he called "harrowing," saying he has difficulty respecting other people and often wants to spend time by himself.
"In a lot of ways I don't really have a soul," Bankman-Fried wrote in the memo, according to Lewis. "There's a pretty decent argument that my empathy is fake, my feelings are fake, my facial reactions are fake. I don't feel happiness. What's the point in dating someone who you physically can't make happy?" the FTX cofounder added.
The list of cons included concerns about the "power dynamics" in their relationship — Ellison at the time was serving as CEO of another of Bankman-Fried's companies, Alameda Research — along with his lack of empathy and "history of getting bored and claustrophobic." Bankman-Fried said he was also torn over his drive to "stay at work for 60 hours straight and not think about anything else" versus spending time with Ellison.
In a shorter list entitled "ARGUMENTS IN FAVOR," Bankman-Fried said the pair had shared interests, he enjoyed talking with her, and listed "I really like fucking you" twice.
Bankman-Fried sent the memo in response to a four-page message from Ellison in 2018 in which she said her feelings for SBF "consume a ton of my brainspace" and addressed concerns about the issues the relationship could cause in their work life, according to Lewis. In the message, she listed some of her hang-ups with Bankman-Fried, including "confusing signals, e.g. telling me that he felt conflicted about having sex with me, then having sex with me, then ignoring me for a few months," the book said.
"Caroline wanted a conventional love with an unconventional man," Lewis wrote. "Sam wanted to do whatever at any given moment offered the highest expected value, and his estimate of her expected value seemed to peak right before they had sex and plummet immediately after."
Despite the risks noted in Bankman-Fried's pros and cons list, Ellison continued to pursue a relationship, Lewis said.
Ellison's lawyer declined to comment and Insider received an automated message from Bankman-Fried's lawyer, who was in court for jury selection in the trial against his client, which kicked off Tuesday.
Ellison and Bankman-Fried appear to have severed the relationship since. Ellison pled guilty to fraud charges in December, has been cooperating with investigators, and is expected to be a key witness in the criminal trial against Bankman-Fried.
Bankman-Fried is being charged with orchestrating a scheme to defraud FTX customers and investors out of billions of dollars. Prosecutors allege the former FTX CEO commingled funds between FTX and Alameda Research.
Bankman-Fried is facing seven criminal charges, including wire fraud and money laundering, and has pled not guilty on all counts. He has argued that his intentions with the cryptocurrency exchange platform were misunderstood and has tried to lay the blame for FTX's collapse on other executives, including Ellison.
Bankman-Fried even leaked entries from Ellison's private diary, which included excerpts on their relationship, to The New York Times in July.