I bought a bigger house, and the buyer's remorse hurts. My family didn't need it, but I still think it'll be worth it.

• Sam Dogen was at first stressed about buying a bigger house in San Francisco in October 2023.
• In order to afford it, he had to sell some investments and temporarily give up on early retirement.
• He now has to go back to work, but he said he's fine with that as long as his family is happy.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Sam Dogen, a San Francisco-based author and former investment banker who is part of the FIRE — financial independence, retire early — movement. As he wrote on his blog, he is giving up early retirement to buy a bigger home. The conversation was edited for length and clarity.

I retired in 2012 from my investment banking job of 13 years, at the age of 34. And since then, I do nothing. Well, I don't do nothing.

I have been an author and a stay-at-home father since April 2017.

I thought I could buy this nicer home because I believe inflation has peaked and the Fed is going to cut rates in 2024. I didn't want to buy the house in 2024 because I think bidding wars are going to return — because mortgage rates will come down.

So I made a calculated decision to sell some stocks and some Treasury bonds to buy this house.

Every single home purchase has to be treated as an investment as well. But because I bought a forever home, it doesn't really matter whether the price goes up or down. I plan to own it forever, truly forever.

About 70% of the reason I bought the home was emotional — to be a loving father and to provide for my family. It's a great home. It's got views, it's on a triple-wide lot. I think I can see myself raising my kids here for the next 12 to 14 years, until they go to college.

Thirty percent is because I believe we're past the bottom of the San Francisco real-estate market with mortgage rates coming down, so I do foresee a rebound in prices over the next 10 to 20 years.

But I'm not counting on that. I'm not counting on making a profit. I don't think about it as trying to make a profit anymore. The home is mostly an expenditure to increase the quality of life for my family.

The first three months I was stressed, wondering, "What have I done?"

That's the paradox that we all face. You want to save as much as possible, invest as much as possible, which creates a more lean and frugal lifestyle so you can retire early. But do you really want to live a lean lifestyle — and then retire early to a very lean and frugal lifestyle?

Some say yes, and some say, "No, I want to live a rich lifestyle full of freedom and abundance."

I decided to become financially independent and retire early

In 1999, I had to come into the office at 5 a.m., and then I couldn't leave before 7:30 p.m. It was crazy.

I knew from the first month that I couldn't last until age 60 like my parents. So from then on, I decided: I'm going to save as much as possible.

Basically, I saved every other paycheck — which meant 50%. Then I would have, most of the time, a year-end bonus, and I would try to save and invest like 90% of it.

I worked for 13 years. If I saved on average 50% a year for 13 years, that means I have 13 years of living expenses, right? At the minimum.

I helped kickstart the modern-day FIRE movement in 2009, when I started writing about my financial independence journey on Financial Samurai. Financial freedom is having enough investments that generate enough passive income to pay for at least your basic living expenses.

You have to have enough to pay for food, shelter, clothing, transportation, and, if you have children, raising your children.

Rental properties were what gave me the courage to retire early, along with negotiating a severance package in 2012. About 53% of my now-estimated $230,000 in passive income a year comes from rental properties.

Another strategy was to invest consistently and regularly in an S&P 500 index fund. That pays a 1.6% to 1.8% dividend.

The other strategy was to invest in all the tech companies that I applied to that I got rejected from.

Once you cover the basics, that's when you can talk about stuff like "Fat FIRE" — more investment and more passive income, more expensive lifestyle.

Life got even more costly when I had kids

Post-FIRE, I have lived still way below my means — 30% to 40% below my means.

As my children came in 2017 and 2019, I started living still below my means, but not as below my means — maybe 20% below my means. I needed to spend more on them because they cost a lot.

Of the passive income, I wasn't spending all of it. I was probably saving 20% of it. I was spending the money on housing, healthcare, private school, car, gas, three vacations a year, and general entertainment — and saving for college, too.

I'm cutting back on clothing and food because we order out too much and I don't need fancy clothes.

Then I decided to buy the bigger house

I bought my new home in October 2023 — 14% below its original asking price.

My old home was four bedrooms, three baths, and 2,800 square feet. My new home is five bedrooms, four baths, and 3,500 square feet.

I was able to get a deal on the home. In San Francisco, rates were up since 2022, so prices came down in 2023.

My new home will cost about $60,000 more a year, or $5,000 more a month than my previous home.

I've been retired for over a decade, but now I have to go back to work

I don't have the $150,000 from those stocks and bonds that generate passive income.

So I just have to rebuild those investments and liquidity, which is why I had a lot of stress and anxiety in the first three months. It's like, "Oh, I don't have any of that anymore, and I have more expenses with this new house."

Of course, it has consequences, because now I have to go back to work. I hope I can motivate my wife to gain employment again or do more stuff with Financial Samurai. She ended up retiring early in 2015.

The main reason I felt comfortable — even though I'm not completely comfortable — is that my daughter, who's four, is going to go back to school full-time starting in September. My son is going to be seven in April this year.

I'll now have two more days of free time, so I have five days a week where both my kids are in school for 40 hours a week.

I initially felt buyer's remorse, but I think I'll get over it with time

I've been stressed after each home purchase.

But this one, given it's the most expensive home purchase and something we didn't need, is the most stressful — especially since I have two kids now, and more expenses to take care of.

The first three months were very challenging because there are new costs: property taxes, maintenance costs, unknowns, furniture — all of that stuff.

You can crunch the numbers all you want, but until you actually pay the money and move in, you don't really know exactly how you'll feel.

I also have confidence that I can rent out my old home, or I can sell it. I can find renters over the next two or three years to cover the cost — at least to help me counteract the downfall of my passive income.

I've been in the house for almost four months now, and it's a great house. I wake up every day and I feel satisfied. I do feel satisfied as a father that I'm doing the best I can to provide the best quality of life for my family.

I still think about what life would be like if we just kept life simpler and stayed in our old house — I think our family would've been just as happy, to be frank.

I think my satisfaction will go up over time. My goal is to reach financial independence again in three to five years and build back up that liquidity. I feel like the closer I get to three years the happier I'll be, the more satisfied I'll be.

If you can survive the first three years after homeownership, generally that feeling of regret, remorse, and fear dissipates. But the first three to six months? Oh boy, you've got to really prepare for that anxiety.