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- The ultrawealthy go by a specific set of manners and rules when attending exclusive events.
- An etiquette coach, Jamila Musayeva, says it's best for your behavior to go "unnoticed" in such places.
- Here's what else she recommends if you find yourself at a gala dinner.
There's no room for ludicrously capacious bags in high society.
As depicted in HBO's hit series "Succession," the ultrarich live dissimilar lives to many of us. That includes different ways of behaving that may lead those uninitiated in the ways of the wealthy to commit embarrassing faux pas (such as, as the TV series mocks, carrying a very large purse to an intimate drinks soirée.)
But sometimes, the wealthy and not-so-wealthy have to mix. That's increasingly leading businesses to tap professionals to teach their employees how to smoothly navigate interactions with VIP clients at formal events.
Jamila Musayeva, an etiquette coach, says the key is to avoid standing out as new money or someone's plus-one when attending fancy dinners or galas.
Musayeva, who's often hired to coach people for black- or white-tie events, as well as general business-etiquette training, says the best indication that your etiquette is up to par is if your behavior goes unnoticed.
"If one cannot pinpoint what you were doing at the table, then you had it all mastered," she told Business Insider.
We've all hopefully learned basic table manners over the years, but the wealthy take etiquette to another level for their lavish gala dinners and social happenings.
Here are Musayeva's etiquette do's and don'ts at exclusive events frequented by the wealthy.
DON'T: Discuss your dietary restrictions or preferences at the table.
This isn't your local diner, so you don't have to alert your servers of allergies while seated. Musayeva says it's common for gala dinners to include an option to disclose any restrictions when you RSVP.
That way, everyone can avoid an awkward dietary conversation at the table. Such luxurious events should already account for any special needs.
DO: Practice the continental way of eating.
She says the continental dining style is considered common ground for people from different nations.
That means "holding the fork in the left hand and knife in the right hand without switching them back and forth as you would do in American-style eating."
Americans typically use their knives and forks in a "zigzag" way, Musayeva says, but that's seen as informal.
DON'T: Take a sip of your drink before you've finished chewing.
This one is pretty simple: Take small bites of your food and finish chewing and swallowing before you drink your beverage.
DO: Leave your big handbag in the coat closet.
There's no room at the table of esteemed guests for your bulky shoulder bag, so it's best to leave it at coat check.
If you'd rather not ditch your belongings, Musayeva suggests accessorizing with a smaller purse that fits in your lap when it's time for dinner to start.
"I recommend always to take a clutch or a small black bag that you can then place in your lap and cover it with a napkin," Musayeva said.
DON'T: Introduce your VIP guest to someone.
When it comes to first impressions, you should always make sure the VIP's status is discreetly acknowledged.
As such, you should never introduce them to someone — everyone should already know who they are, so it's unnecessary. Instead, Musayeva says, you should introduce people to them.
Musayeva recommends using this formula: "May I introduce to you" followed by the name.
DO: Let the VIP guest decide when to shake hands.
You may want to make an honored guest feel welcomed by extending a hand to them as a greeting. But, Musayeva says, that's not the proper way to go about it.
"It's a hierarchical thing," she said. "The most important person has to give permission to a less important person to shake their hand."
DON'T: Order your own drink at the dinner table.
At formal dinners, drink pairings are usually predetermined to match the food on the menu.
It can come off as rude if you object to the wine or other drink chosen by your host or chef, Musayeva says. It's better to trust their judgment.
Cocktail hour is the best time to order whatever beverage you're craving, but that ends once you sit down for dinner.
DO: Whatever it takes to fit in.
Fitting in is key. That means matching the etiquette of your host or the most important person at the table — even if they're straying away from the guidelines Musayeva teaches her clients.
It's best to be observant and pick up on how everyone else behaves to understand how to interact appropriately.
"At the end of the day, they're all humans," Musayeva said. "When you feel like lesser than them, your body language will tell them that."