courtesy of Geneviève Laforce
- Geneviève Laforce is from a middle class background, but her girlfriend grew up rich.
- Their opposing spending habits have led to arguments, misunderstandings, and hurt feelings.
- Open communication and compassion help them manage financial disagreements.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Geneviève Laforce, a 24-year-old content creator from Montreal, whose partner grew up wealthy. Business Insider verified her partner's wealthy background. It's been edited for length and clarity.
I grew up with a single mom who came from nothing. She provided a life where my basic needs were met. I didn't need anything more.
My girlfriend was raised by wealthy, business-owning parents. She had a live-in maid, a private school education, a new car at 16, and the prevailing idea that money would always be there.
When we started dating at 20, there was a divide between us. My girlfriend showered me with gifts and threw away half-eaten meals without a second glance. I, on the other hand, rejected generosity and clawed after scraps of her food.
When I met her parents and learned of their successful jobs in the transportation industry, I felt small. I worried that I wasn't enough and considered breaking up with her. I have my girlfriend and her family to thank for relentlessly proving to me that I'm worthy.
We've learned that managing a relationship with someone who grew up so differently requires constant compassion and open communication.
I was raised to be frugal and self-reliant
At 24, I make a comfortable living from my content creation career, but my scarcity mindset remains.
I was raised in a small Canadian village by a single mom. She worked hard to provide for me, but I grew up with very little. When my stepfather came into my life when I was 8 years old, and provided my mom and me with a comfortable lifestyle, I was given the ability to play sports, go to summer camp, and even indulge in the occasional shopping trip.
But, my frugal customs were engrained within me. I refused to buy anything new and paid for my college education.
When I started dating my girlfriend in 2021, I had no idea that she came from wealth, but small signs pointed to big monetary differences.
'Let me spoil you' is my girlfriend's favorite phrase
In the first few months of our relationship, my girlfriend was quick to spoil me with gifts, dates, and meals galore. Though I knew her intentions were good, I was made profoundly uncomfortable by her generosity. In fact, I hated it, because I didn't have the means to reciprocate. The money from my full-time job went straight to tuition and rent, leaving me with nothing to spare. So, I pushed back.
When she would offer to take me to dinner, I would insist we make food at home. When she would suggest ordering more, I would bring up concerns about waste.
She reassured me that she enjoyed spoiling me and didn't expect anything back, but I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe I just wasn't enough for her.
In an attempt to be helpful, she started offering me financial advice.
My insecurities almost led to a breakup
My girlfriend suggested that I invest my money and get an accountant, and I was like, "How do you know all this stuff? It's gibberish to me."
When I met her parents, who are successful business owners, my insecurities tripled. They offered to help me organize my finances, which I interpreted as a form of belittling. I was scared that they'd look down on me or assume I was using their daughter for money.
I felt so inadequate that I even contemplated breaking up with her. I thought, "Why don't you date someone on your level? You're marrying down."
But, my girlfriend made it undeniably clear that I was worthy. I realized that all of the horrible scenarios I created were just projections of my insecurities. I fought through my anxiety and forced myself to see her family for who they were: generous, welcoming, and kind, just like their daughter.
Though I had confronted my inner battle, I had yet to confront our very real lifestyle differences. When we moved in together in the summer of 2023, we were forced to take notice.
Waste is our biggest disagreement
I had a steady income stream from my content creation career when we started living together. We were paying a more equal split of expenses, but our habits were still incredibly different.
I was raised to clean, cook, and look after my space, and I expected the same level of upkeep in our new home. My girlfriend, however, never learned to pick up after herself. So, we naturally fell into a routine where I maintained our space, but it wasn't a fair split of duties. I communicated this concern to her, and I know she's trying, but it's a work in progress.
Food is our greatest point of contention. My girlfriend throws away food like it's no big deal. I hate it. In my mind, food is survival. We can't waste what we can't guarantee there'll be more of. We're so lucky to have a full fridge and a pantry full of reserves, but there's still that voice in my head that knows money isn't guaranteed. I've snapped at her before when she's thrown away leftovers or perfectly good food.
Our arguments always come down to a lack of understanding of the other person's perspective.
We learn from each other every day
Bringing my girlfriend to my hometown and showing her how I grew up has been an eye-opener for her. She admitted that before we met, she lived in a bubble of privilege and believed that most people were financially stable. I've been able to broaden her worldview and provoke a deeper sense of compassion for those who are struggling.
I've also learned so much from her. Her family has taught me the importance of relying on those around you for support. They've helped me invest money, find an accountant, and build wealth as a content creator. While I used to see their support as an infringement on my independence, I now see it as an avenue for achieving it.
Money will continue to be a source of disagreement throughout our relationship, especially as we look forward to big life purchases. But, with a foundation of patience, understanding, and communication, I'm confident in our ability to overcome anything.
If money complicates your relationship and you want to tell your story, please email Tess Martinelli at tmartinelli@businessinsider.com.