Courtesy of Lisa He
- Lisa He divorced her ex-husband earlier this year and wished she had a prenup to protect her assets.
- The emotional distance and lack of support during crises led to the marriage's breakdown.
- She's in a new relationship with no plans to marry, but if she does, she'll put a prenup in place.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Lisa He, a 35-year-old entrepreneur in Orlando. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I married in 2016 at age 25 for practicality, prioritizing stability, comfort, and societal expectations over love.
We stayed together for over 14 years with no kids, building successful careers in tech and achieving financial stability. We had a grounded, practical type of love, but it wasn't passionate.
When we eventually divorced, I wished we had put a prenup in place to protect my assets.
Getting married didn't change our relationship
I didn't realize until years after getting married that I wanted a deeper emotional connection. Over time, we grew even further apart.
I found myself managing every aspect of our lives, and I was exhausted. I worked full-time and managed most of our lives as a couple, including our social calendar, bills, cleaning, and more.
In my experience, the woman's labor at home is constant and daily, whereas the man is only called upon to complete a massive project like deep cleaning once every four months. I just accepted this is how it was supposed to be.
Although he earned more at the start of our relationship, I quickly outpaced him
In 2019, I left my tech job and started building My Custom Bakes, a software business in the baking industry. I also pushed my ex-husband to quit his job because he was unhappy at work.
I initially hoped he would find his own thing, but since he had software development skills, it made sense to bring him onto my project. He enjoyed the work, but it was my baby, brand, and business. We worked together for about two years.
During that time, I started therapy and realized the emotional distance between us. We were no longer true partners, and I wanted more out of life. There wasn't enough to salvage for me. I had experienced a deep emotional connection with someone at my former tech job, so I knew what it was like to feel fully seen.
It was hard to leave because my ex-husband is a great guy
I was conditioned to believe that you don't give up when you find a good person. I didn't question that idea until I forgot so much of myself that I hit a wall.
A significant turning point was during COVID-19 when Asian hate was prevalent. I had a social media presence, and because of how I looked, I was getting threatened on TikTok. I expressed to him how serious this was.
He couldn't understand my concern, and that was a blow. As a result, I stopped sharing my feelings.
We officially divorced in March 2024
Emotionally, divorcing was awful. Financially and logistically, it was manageable.
We didn't hire lawyers and did everything ourselves. I ended up buying out my ex-husband's share of the company. This was more about alleviating my guilt than what was fair.
With a prenup, I wouldn't have split as many business assets with him. He never fully grasped the level of sacrifice involved, which hurts because he's the one person who should've seen how hard I worked to build the business.
If we had gotten a prenup, there would be no question about how to split things
A prenup is like an insurance policy. You hope you don't have to use it, but if you do, it's there. The split would've been more straightforward if we had a prenup in place and had put it together during happier times.
I'm in a new relationship now, but legally, getting married is not appealing. As someone financially independent, unless I find someone equal to or greater than me in success, there's no substantial legal benefit.
Emotionally, there's something to be said about being married, so I'm not saying never. While marriage can be fulfilling for many, it's not the right path for everyone, especially those who value their independence and have worked hard to achieve success.
If another marriage is in my future, a prenup will be a non-negotiable part of that commitment to ensure clarity and fairness from the start. My partner is aware, however I've made it clear I'm not interested in getting married right now.
Want to share your story? Email Lauryn Haas at lhaas@businessinsider.com.