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- Book editor Soulla Christodoulou works heads-down on her laptop while her partner cleans windows.
- He left school at 17, and she has a Master's. Their relationship thrives because they don't compete.
- His practical approach to his job taught her the importance of work/life balance to reduce stress.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Soulla Christodoulou. It has been edited for length and clarity.
Before I met my partner, Alan Reynolds, in 2009, I was the type of person who'd get into a flap about things, especially in the corporate world where I once worked.
Your heart races when you rant and rave. I was an over-thinker, and it wasn't good for my health.
But, over the 15 years we've been together, I've become much calmer and grounded. I credit Alan's influence for that. He's a window cleaner and gardener in our home city of London. He makes a living by literally getting his hands dirty.
Meanwhile, my book editor, author, and tutor job is academically focused. I spend my day in front of a laptop, so there's no real comparison between what Alan and I do.
It's the reason our relationship is so easy. We've never been rivals; we complement each other. I've learned a lot from being with a practical person who thinks rationally.
Alan asked me out 3 times before I agreed to a date
Nothing fazes him. Some people fan the flames but he is constantly dampening them. If something doesn't go to plan, he'll just say, "Well, that's happened. So what do we do to make it OK?"
We'd known each other for a long time before getting romantically involved. Alan cleaned my windows and we'd chat on the doorstep when he collected his money.
He was friendly and helpful. He noticed when one of my kids' bikes needed the tires pumping. "Do you want me to do that while I'm here?" he'd say.
Years later, after both our marriages broke up, we started to chat more. He asked me out on a date. I was too busy training to be a teacher then, so I said "no."
But it didn't put him off. We went for dinner after the third time he asked, just before Christmas in 2009. I thought, "Why not?" because I trusted him.
Courtesy of Soulla Christodoulou
He picked me up in a car, which felt a bit odd. I'd only ever seen him in a van. The meal was a success; we never stopped talking. But I remember thinking, "This is weird. I'm on a date with my window cleaner."
When I told my family and friends about him, I kept tagging him as my window cleaner. "He's still a guy," someone said. It made me recognize some prejudice in myself, so I looked at things from another perspective.
On paper, it might not have seemed like a good match. I was educated to a Master's level, while Alan left school at 17. He worked at a bakery and a factory for many years before starting his window-cleaning business.
Meanwhile, I went into corporate fashion followed by teaching, writing, and book editing.
But, as our relationship progressed, we balanced each other. Alan's job is dependent on the weather. He can't go out with his ladder when it's raining hard, too windy, or so cold that the windows freeze.
Instead of getting wound up, he'll shift things around and call a customer to check if they need something done inside that day. Many of them are older, and he's developed patience. If I get mad about a computer problem or meetings not running on time, he'll say, "Oh, for God's sake, there's more to life than that." He sees another side to humanity.
There is no rivalry regarding what we do for a living
He's so relaxed, it relieves my stress. I am a lot calmer. I like to think he's taught me grace.
That he doesn't have many qualifications doesn't mean he can't have a great conversation with him. Alan, a year older than me at 58, knows so much about music, soccer, and game fishing. I attend networking events, and he will come as a plus one. At first, he was nervous, but now he absolutely loves it. People love meeting him because he does something quite different from the typical person in the room.
We don't compete in any way. I have friends with partners in the same industry. When one says, "How's work?" it's almost like they're trying to get one up on the other. They'll talk about closing this deal or that deal, and it creates rivalry. Alan and I don't have that because our work is unrelated.
We value ourselves and hold esteem in each other — not based on what we do, but who we are.
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