Melissa Petro
- Melissa Petro is a freelance writer who considers herself an extrovert.
- To combat loneliness, she works daily from a café near her children's school.
- She also leans on other writers and online communities for support and socialization.
When I worked an office job at the start of my career, I took the engaging conversations I had with my coworkers for granted. I was constantly interacting with other people and felt compelled to collaborate.
Similarly, the years I taught art to elementary-school kids tapped into my talkative and outgoing nature.
Even as a full-time stay-at-home parent, I rarely stayed at home. My kids and I were always at the busiest of playgrounds, where I naturally gravitated toward other gregarious moms.
I didn't realize how much of an extrovert I was until I transitioned to freelancing in June 2011. Writing, for the most part, is a solitary endeavor. Focused on an assignment, I can go for days without interacting with others professionally — which I've learned is not so good for my mental health.
But I'm not alone in feeling alone: Too much time spent turned inward and social isolation can lead to anxiety, stress, and cognitive decline.
Here are four ways I stave off my loneliness while working independently.
1. I go to a café every day instead of working from home
For as long as I've worked from home, I've rarely worked from my actual house. I know that if I did, instead of looking at my computer screen, I'd be studying the sink full of dishes needing to be washed, the bins of toys begging to be organized, or the stationary bike in the corner collecting dust — basically anything other than my next assignment.
The café near my kids' school offers endless inspiration instead of distractions. After drop-off, I set up shop in the same corner every day, so I can periodically interact with the staff, other regulars, and even strangers.
The $20 or so I spend each day on coffee and food is well worth it, because the food is delicious and the environment gets me in the mood to work.
Off-the-cuff conversations I have in the café don't just entertain me — they can inspire my work. When I find what's going on around me distracting or don't want to be bothered, I just throw on a pair of headphones.
2. I have a close-knit writing group
My barista may be one of my favorite people to talk to about feminist politics, but she doesn't always get the latest joke aimed at journalists, and she can't necessarily help me word an email to my editor or advise me on how to negotiate a rate. That's where my writers group comes in.
A little over two years ago, a writer I met online invited me to join what has evolved into a vibrant WhatsApp group of freelance writers and authors: a half dozen other successful women who I can turn to for all things media-related, from a funny meme to meaningful, constructive feedback on a pitch.
The members of my writing group are like coworkers, only better because it's a chosen circle of professionals. These are folks I know I can trust. They take a genuine interest in my work and my career, and — because extroverts are motivated by motivating others — I gladly return the same.
3. I'm a part of a lot of virtual communities
In addition to my WhatsApp group, I'm active in a handful of other online groups. It can't replace IRL interactions, but social media is a great way to connect with like-minded people, especially for extroverts.
If I have a question related to my kid, for example, I can turn to one of the many Facebook groups I'm a part of for parents of children with special needs. If I'm just looking for a dopamine hit, I might surf over to my "Buy Nothing" group and see what's there to score.
Connections made over social media can cross over into real life, too. Fans of my writing have become students. One mom I first met in a Facebook group now sends her child to my son's therapeutic school. Before Lyn Slater and I ever met in person, we followed each other on Instagram. I love that the neighbor who gifts me a Crock-Pot from the "Buy Nothing" group might become my next best friend.
4. I have steady, long-term clients
I know that saying an employer feels like family can be a huge red flag, but at my last in-person job, my relationships went deeper than office banter and watercooler gossip. They saw me through intensely personal experiences. I made lifelong friends, and my boss even officiated my wedding.
While I wouldn't say I've developed such close connections at any other employer, I do appreciate that as a freelance writer, I'm part of an industry that feels like a loose community of professionals.
I've never met some of the people I've worked with — I haven't so much as heard some of their names spoken aloud — but I've watched their careers evolve, as I imagine they've witnessed mine.
When it comes to cultivating long-term clients, it's about more than just making friends: Working together is easier because of the strong, collaborative relationships we've built.
Because I understand their needs and preferences, I deliver what they want, and I'm compensated fairly without having to negotiate, so I feel like a valued partner rather than just a service provider.
When it comes to combating loneliness, experts say that supportive colleagues are key. It's true: Even without a traditional desk job, I'm energized all day by the people around me and the relationships I've built.