Courtesy of Miriam Deliva
- Miriam Deliva moved from Australia to Singapore in 2018 with her boyfriend for his job.
- She scored what she thought was her dream job in PR, but demands were high and her health suffered.
- When her savings ran out and her relationship ended, she returned to Melbourne and started a company.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Miriam Deliva, a publicist from Melbourne, Australia. It has been edited for length and clarity.
When my ex-boyfriend was offered a job in Singapore in 2018, I moved with him to pursue my dream of living outside Australia. He got the offer in October, and we moved in December.
I quit my global communications and content specialist role to move. I had a tourist visa at first and started looking for a PR position as soon as I arrived. I hustled for six months, networking and pitching to land a role.
After landing an opportunity and throwing an International Women's Day event for a recruitment firm, I was approached by the firm's managing director for an internal global communications specialist role. I have a communications and PR background, and I heard the managing director was a great leader. It sounded like a dream job, so I accepted.
The first year, I struggled to settle in
Australia and Singapore both have big coffee and fitness cultures, and the cost of living and rent are high.
They also differ in many ways. Singapore's humidity is much higher. People in Australia enjoy small talk, smiles, and eye contact in public. The social interactions are different in Singapore. It felt more transactional, and no one talked to me unless it was necessary.
I started to miss my friends, family, and dog in Australia. I also missed the high-quality produce, hikes, nature, wineries, and accessibility I had with my car.
My ex-boyfriend and I split expenses, including rent, food, transport, and utilities. But in the first year, I depleted my savings by buying drinks and dinners to network with new contacts. I underestimated how expensive Singapore is, which added stress to my life.
During our second year in Singapore, my relationship faltered. Reflecting on it now, we should've broken up, but I didn't want to give up on the relationship so early. We worked through it, I stayed, and we got engaged in 2020.
To distract myself, I concentrated on my work
I'm a hard worker and used to long hours, but Asia's work hustle is intense. I didn't realize how long employers expected me to work. I'd arrive between 7:30 and 9 a.m. and stay until 6 or 7 p.m., and I might be out three nights a week entertaining clients. It's very different from Australia's work-life balance.
I was also accustomed to the Western business style, where we set up a meeting with clients and discuss business straightaway. It's different in Asia, and much more socialization is required. First, you're expected to eat and drink with the client, and it wasn't rare to entertain until midnight. Perhaps you'd finally discuss business after the second or third meeting.
The company I worked at had high expectations and coupled with the rough time in my relationship, I was burning the candle at both ends. After drinking too much alcohol and coffee for work, my stomach lining thinned and I started experiencing health problems.
It all came to a head with a panic attack
In May 2022, I was at a burger shop with my ex-boyfriend when it started to feel like someone was squeezing my esophagus and I couldn't breathe. We went home, and I sat in a dark room without stimulation, breathing deeply to feel normal. I realized something was not right.
About a month later, I ended up in the emergency room because I couldn't breathe again. I didn't feel supported, and I cried in the emergency room, thinking, "This can't be my life. How can I go home to this guy and continue working for an employer who doesn't even care about my health?"
The doctor told me he believed I had gastroesophageal reflux disease. He said I needed to change how I worked and ate and figure out what caused stress in my life, or it would get worse.
I started going to therapy, which is pricey for expats in Singapore. After about six therapy sessions, I realized my relationship was a significant contributor to my stress as was the lack of boundaries at my job — I was never able to fully detach from work.
I decided to make a change
I ended my relationship in October 2022 and moved out immediately into a house with other expats.
I knew I needed to return home to regroup and heal. My work understood the overwhelming stress of my health and post-engagement breakup, so they allowed me a few weeks of remote work, and I returned to Melbourne. But when I couldn't spend Mother's Day with my mother because my work demands were still too high, I drafted my resignation letter.
I feel so much lighter and much happier now. I quit what I thought was my dream job, but it wasn't the right fit for me.
I feel so powerful, confident, happy, and fulfilled since the breakup. I love who I am and how life has unfolded, and I'm glad I took the plunge to remove myself from a life I once knew to create a life I'm proud of.
Now, I run my own public-relations company
Since returning to Australia, I've started my own business. I teach PR to students and help clients with their public profiles. It's nice to have creative freedom.
I can't promise I'll be in Melbourne forever because I've only begun exploring the world and love being a global citizen. I miss Singapore and the more efficient trains, airports, and groceries. I also miss the friends I made there who became family, but I'm glad to be home.