Courtesy of the author
- I'm a mom of two girls ages 4 and 1.
- My oldest is an introvert, while my youngest is an extrovert.
- I can related to both and give them space to be who they are.
"I want to go home!" my 4-year-old screamed as I held her in my lap.
We were at a birthday party for her best friend. To be more specific, this little girl is also our next-door neighbor, and we were in their backyard — the one she plays in almost every day. In contrast, my 1-year-old laughed and clapped as she sat with a group of kids playing with bubbles.
This isn't a new situation for me — my older daughter wilts around big groups of people while my younger daughter lights up in the presence of others. I'm sure I'm not the only parent with one introverted child and another extroverted one, but in those panicky moments where I have to cater to both of their social needs, it feels like taking one wrong step will end in disaster — also known as an epic tantrum.
Fortunately, I relate to my daughters. I'm what they call an extroverted introvert — someone who enjoys socializing but still needs time to recharge afterward. And because I understand both sides of the extrovert/introvert personality, I've developed ways to embrace their specific needs.
We build in introvert and extrovert time during the week
Weekdays are easier for us to schedule activities catered to each of our kids. While my introvert is at preschool, my extrovert is signed up for a gym and music class. If we have a day without a class, I take her to the playground or another busy spot to fuel her up.
For my introvert, after her day at school, I know she has to reset. So we opt for 1:1 playdates, art projects at home, or activities that don't have too much stimulation, like going for a bike ride or gardening.
Weekends are family time
On the weekends, we make an effort to spend time together as a family. Instead of running them to extracurriculars or playdates, we try to prioritize the importance of our family unit.
This can definitely include parts of the day spent with their friends or ours, but ultimately, we all recharge on the weekend. Part of this is so that we instill in them that time with us is important, and another is so that my husband (total introvert) and I (extroverted introvert) don't get burned out either.
When we're going to be somewhere new, we have options
Of course I'd love to be able to control every situation so my kids feel nothing but bliss but, well, that's not realistic.
There are weekends where we all have to go to a big event — like the neighbor's birthday party — or where it's pouring rain (the LA equivalent of the end of days) and we're stuck indoors. We've learned that when possible, having options for each kid makes a huge difference.
So when my introvert needed to leave the birthday party, I took her back to the house while my husband stayed at the party with my extrovert. When my extrovert needs some stimulation, I'll take her out for an adventure at the zoo while my husband has a 1:1 movie date with our introvert.
My hope is that my daughters know they are loved and respected for their personalities and don't feel forced to try to be something they aren't. And sometimes the girls surprise us — my introvert will rally and want to do a big activity, or my extrovert will hang back and just want to cuddle up close with us. But knowing we can pull them out of a situation that doesn't serve them well eases the pressure on us as their parents.
Erin La Rosa is the author of "The Backtrack, Plot Twist," and "For Butter or Worse." She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and four daughters (two humans, two felines).