My husband was a stay-at-home dad for a year. I learned about the double standards that exist for working dads and moms.

• I started working again shortly after the birth of my second son. My husband was a stay-at-home dad.
• I still helped out around the house to be the working parent I'd want if I was in his position.
• He's since gone back to work, and we're trying to keep the norms we established during that time.

Going back to work three months after the birth of my second son wasn't easy. But one thing made all the difference in this transition. My husband decided to resign from his job so he could bond with our youngest while also supporting our oldest in starting school.

My original plan was to return to work after six months, as I'm self-employed as a freelance journalist. I was largely offline for the first three months after giving birth; I wanted to give myself permission to just exist in that new baby bubble. But I was conscious that the more time I spent away from work, the more it was costing me — not just financially, but in terms of the momentum I'd built in my career.

The financial freedom to have just one parent working for an entire year is not something I have taken lightly. Yet the most memorable and impactful parts of my year with a stay-at-home husband are not the amazing home-cooked meals he made (and continues to) but how it's helped us see what true partnership is and define how we want to live our lives, the role we want work to play, and the kind of parents we want to be.

We've worked to challenge stereotypes in our relationship

I took a yearlong maternity leave when I had my first son, and though we technically fit into the outdated stereotypes of "breadwinner" and "homemaker" during that time, I often felt isolated without the connection of work. That's why, when my husband made the choice to be a stay-at-home dad, I didn't want to just be unavailable all day, buried in work.

I knew all too well the feelings of resentment, loneliness, and frustration that can crop up when you're with the kids on your own, envious of your partner's ability to have conversations with co-workers, uninterrupted lunches, and hot coffee. So I tried to be the working partner I would want if I were a stay-at-home parent — someone who could sense when another pair of hands could help take the edge off a messy lunch or out-of-control tantrum.

We had a fluid setup. In between working, I changed nappies, helped make snacks and lunches, washed dishes, and hung up laundry (I was also breastfeeding our youngest). Our house and family are a shared effort — not just the responsibility of the person who doesn't do paid work. It's a mindset I think more working dads could adopt to ease the "motherload" that many moms struggle with, including those who are working. Individually, we're not simply a breadwinner or homemaker. We're a partnership.

I learned a lot about double standards while my husband was a stay-at-home dad

While my husband was a stay-at-home dad, it opened my eyes to double standards. I was often told I was lucky to have him, but no one ever noticed that as a stay-at-home parent, he was also lucky to have such an involved, hands-on working partner. It's something dads are often congratulated for, yet it's expected of working moms. I was also regularly asked when he would be going back to work, as if it was assumed he wouldn't want to be a stay-at-home dad permanently. When I had my year at home, I was often asked if I was going back to work, rather than when.

My husband recently started working full-time again — a decision made for financial reasons but also because he needs to keep his career moving again. The new norms we've tried to create have since been difficult to uphold.

He is in the office just two days a week, so we still share domestic tasks fairly evenly. Being self-employed, though, I work most flexibly, meaning I, like most moms, have become the default parent when it comes to medical or dental appointments or appearances at school for performances or sports days.

It's just easier for it to be me rather than have my husband create tension among his new colleagues and get a reputation for being unreliable while he's still new. That conflict is something working moms are expected to accept while working dads' lives at home are often overlooked; the stereotypes of the "breadwinner dad" and "homemaker mom" are still very much alive in the workplace, and it can feel intimidating to openly challenge those.

In an ideal world, my husband and I would both work four days a week and get some of that equality back that we've been striving for. Financially, we could make this work, but he doesn't yet feel comfortable making that request. For now, I have cut work down from nearly full-time to just over three days a week, as we don't want to miss time with our youngest by sending him to day care full-time.

Going to things like toddler yoga with him and swimming lessons with my oldest gives me great bonding moments with my kids, which I'll never regret. There are two things I can't deny, though — I get a lot out of working, and falling into that breadwinner/homemaker dynamic again feels like a step backward.

But I understand that pushing boundaries takes not just confidence but time and space, too. Just as my husband gave me the time and space to give my career the extra push it needed after having our second son, I am now here to do the same for him. And I'd argue that's just as important in terms of true equality.