Courtesy Ashley Archambault
- I was a single mom for seven years before I got married again.
- My husband is a supportive partner and stepfather, but in many ways, I still feel like a single mom.
- I always want to make enough money to still support myself and my son on my own.
I had been a single mom for seven years when I moved in with my now-husband. We've been married for almost three years, and my son is 10, but I still feel like a single mom in many ways.
While my husband is an amazing stepfather, he and my son are friends more than anything else. And since my husband isn't his father, it doesn't feel right to depend on him to care for my son in every way a parent would.
I still make the parental decisions
My husband supports me as I parent my son, such as having my back when I ask him to do his homework or clean up his toys. With every parenting decision, I always ask my husband's opinion, such as what my son's chores should be or which school he should attend, but at the end of the day, I decide what's best.
I try to earn as much as I would need as I single mom
While my husband is my financial partner, and I'm no longer paying for everything alone, I always make sure that I have enough of my own money to live independently and take care of my son if I have to again. It's not because I think I'll have to, but because I always want to ensure my son and I have a safety net just in case. It would feel too irresponsible not to work as if I were still an independent provider.
I don't expect help with my son's expenses
I still feel that it's my responsibility to cover all of my son's expenses, from the small things like clothes and dental cleanings to the larger ones like health coverage and his college savings. I know my husband would be more than glad to help me with my expenses, including my son's, but I take pride in paying for every parental cost by myself. This is another way of making sure that my ability to care for my son is never dependent on anyone else.
I just can't let go of the mentality that my son comes first
In my mind, my son and I are a unit separate from my husband. I know a lot of this comes from my experiences growing up with my dad, who was a single parent himself. In many of his relationships, I felt cast aside, and even as a child, I felt that he was making the wrong choice when he did that.
Now that I'm a single parent myself, I never want my son to feel that way. I make sure I tell him consistently that it's still "just the two of us" and that what's best for him isn't any less important to me just because I got married.
I make sure we have our own time together to protect our bond
Growing up, I didn't always feel like I could speak my mind in front of my dad's significant other. While I believe my son is comfortable around my husband, I want to ensure that my son has enough opportunities to talk to me about whatever he may need to.
To do this, I take him to and from school, giving us time in the car to speak, and I've maintained our bedtime routine of him and I reading stories together before he goes to sleep. A couple of times a year, we also take short trips back to where I grew up to get some extended quality time with each other.
Within my marriage, I have been protective of my relationship with my son. Even though I have a partner in many aspects of my life, I still feel the mental toll of being a single parent. I want to ensure that I will always be able to take care of my son and that he knows that, whether I'm married now or not.