Fiordaliso/Getty Images
- Consultant Rachel Weaven has worked in the HR industry for 20 years.
- She said crying at work isn't always a bad thing but it depends on your office culture.
- Who you are with, why you're crying, and how often it happens can impact how it's perceived.
If you've ever cried at work, you are not alone.
In a 2018 survey, 45% of 1,000 American employees said they had done so.
Rachel Weaven, a consultant who has worked in HR for 20 years, said that different offices perceived crying very differently.
It's influenced by factors including how experienced your manager is with the situation, the generation your colleagues belong to, and the wider culture of the company.
"If you feel psychologically safe in a company to show emotion, and they support that, you will come out of that a stronger person, whereas there will be other companies where if you show emotions, you're penalized," she added.
How crying at work is viewed depends on several factors
The 2018 survey found that 31% of workers and 30% of 2,200 CFOs who were also questioned said that crying at work should not negatively affect someone's standing at work and shows you're human. However, 44% of CFOs and 38% of workers agreed that crying at work was OK "from time to time," but doing it too often could undermine your prospects.
The reason you're crying will also influence others' perception of it, Weaven said. Most people will understand crying over a bereavement, but fewer will sympathize with crying about a work-related problem.
Weaven said that crying doesn't have to be seen as negative, as it's not unusual for employees to cry because they're passionate and want to do a good job.
"I've seen situations where people have been pulled up on their performance, and they've got upset because they want to do their best. When people care about the work, emotions can come out," she said.
A 2016 Harvard Business School study of 240 participants found that those who attributed why they were crying at work to being passionate about their job were seen as more competent than those who attributed it to being emotional — or those who didn't give a reason at all.
What to do if you get emotional at work
If you start to cry at work, Weaven advises taking a breather if possible.
"Get away from your desk and try to calm yourself down. Go to a breakout space or the toilets where it's quiet and you can compose yourself. If you can step outside for five or 10 minutes and do some breathing techniques, that will help you refocus," she said.
Another factor of how crying at work can be perceived is where you are in the office and who you are with, Weaven told BI.
She said, in her experience, crying at work often happens with just one or two other people, such as in a meeting — with HR or your manager — or with a trusted colleague or two.
Weaven recalled being alone in the office with a woman who had just been laid off and was crying. The employee kept apologizing for being unprofessional. "I thought she shouldn't have to apologize. She'd just had really big news and it was only me and her in the office," Weaven said.
If you do find yourself welling up with a larger group, such as a big meeting, Weaven advised trying to leave the room if you can.
Whatever the specific situation, Weaven said it's worth acknowledging the reaction with colleagues if you are concerned about how they perceived it. For example, if it was with your manager, you could discuss it with them and explain why you cried.
"The more they know you and the way that you work, the better they're going to be able to manage you," Weaven added.