Courtesy of Ruchir Shah
- Ruchir Shah is CEO of the startup SkillCat. He said he used to resent workers who took time off.
- He was feeling burned out and went on a silent retreat that lasted 10 days.
- Shah's transformative experience made him realize the importance of taking time off to recharge.
Ruchir Shah, 34, is the New York-based CEO of the startup SkillCat, which offers online training for skilled trades such as electricians and HVAC specialists. As a founder, he would often advise those working for him to take PTO, but said he sometimes secretly resented it when they did. Attending a 10-day silent retreat changed his perspective. The following has been edited for brevity and clarity.
My dad was an entrepreneur, but he would never take vacation. It was this mindset of always being on. So, in the back of my mind, there was always this guilt about vacation. That's persisted for most of my life, and I've been a founder a couple of times.
I would tell people to take time off, but my tone was like, "Take only a week," or "take just enough."
One of our top-performing employees takes long vacations, but then they're unbelievably productive. I would always be like, "Should you be taking that time off?" I was feeling resentful and annoyed, even though, logically, I shouldn't feel that way. They're so good.
I got married a few years ago, and my wife is much more balanced with these things. We went on a couple of vacations, where I was working. Last year, we took a vacation, and I didn't work, but I wasn't mentally there. I had anxiety about work, about getting things done.
Reaching 'terminal burnout'
I see a lot of people my age focused on achieve, achieve, achieve — get into a great school, get a prestigious job. And then you're in your mid-30s, and you're like, "What am I working toward?" That type of anxiety makes you always look for endorphins and achievement, and that's what I was tortured by a lot on vacation last year.
I think I probably reached a level of terminal burnout, where you're so overwhelmed and stuck in the weeds that you just can't actually disconnect.
I was struggling to enjoy experiences that are supposed to be fun. When you're working, it's great, but when you're hanging out with your wife or friends, you're unable to disconnect. You keep thinking about work; you keep feeling anxious about things that you shouldn't feel anxious about.
I've gone through therapy. I tried meditation, but sometimes you just need time off. I don't think there's a replacement for just stopping, because otherwise you're still in that race.
Theoretically, I always thought, "It's important to take vacation." I understand the concept, but burnout got really bad for me last year. I was also dealing with some family stuff, and, on their own, those things would have been fine, but coupled with work, they just built up. I was really miserable and down.
The retreat that changed my mindset
When I tried to take a day off or meditate, it wasn't working. I would get pulled into distractions — like social media, watching TV, or unhealthy eating. So, I wanted something a bit extreme. I did a 10-day silent meditation retreat, which changed my mindset.
You have no screens. You can't talk to anyone, and you don't make eye contact. You can't read, write, or listen to music. You can walk around, but you're not supposed to exercise. It was brutal. You're forced into just being present with yourself, because there's literally nothing else you can do.
It was transformative in terms of making me think, "I need to take time off. I can't just keep looking for the next win." You always look for more. You hit a revenue target, and you start comparing yourself to people. It's like, where does it end?
I came out of that, and I wrote three pages of notes, and it was like, "Take a vacation," and "Appreciate your wife and other parts of your life."
This retreat really opened up my mind to, "Hey, there are other things to do in life."
As far as my anxiety, it's been incredible. Before that, my wife and I had a trip scheduled to Japan. I was fighting with my wife, and was incredibly stressed about it. I was like, "It's going to be horrible. I'm going to feel guilty, and I'm not going to be able to enjoy it, and I'm going to feel bad that I'm not present for you." Then, coming out of this, I was like, "This is going to be awesome."
The trip was about three weeks. We were in Japan, India, and then Dubai. Now that I'm back, I'm just happier, lighter. I'm in a better relationship with my wife and not depressed — and a lot less anxious.
Professionally, in the few days after I returned from vacation, the number of insights I've had has been amazing.
Our business had been stuck in a couple of ways. After that, the problems just unlocked — a key hire, how to work with certain people and groups, and our strategy. Things have come together in a way that would not have happened without such a fresh mind.
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