Courtesy of Liz Alterman
- My son thought he had to apply to more than 10 colleges because everyone he knew was doing it.
- But he liked only three schools, so I encouraged him to apply to just those three.
- People were horrified he wasn't applying to more, but he got into his dream school anyway.
One afternoon in the spring of 2022, my son Ben, a junior in high school, and I got back in the car after touring yet another college. I asked him what he thought, and his answer shocked me.
"It was nice, and I'll apply," he said. "But if I get in, I don't want to go here."
Cue the record scratch.
When I asked him why he would apply if he didn't want to attend, Ben told me everyone he knew was applying to 12 to 15 schools.
He wasn't wrong. Plenty of his friends and classmates had application lists stretching into double digits. Several years back, a neighbor applied to 19 schools.
Granted it's been more than 30 years since I completed my applications in pen and sent them out via snail mail, but at the time even the most studious overachievers seemed to cap their application lists at six, maybe seven tops. Applying to a dozen or more schools felt excessive — not to mention time-consuming and expensive.
I encouraged my son to apply differently.
At first, my son couldn't find a school that was the right fit
Ben tried to pad his list but struggled to find campuses and programs that felt like a good fit. He'd visited his older brother who attends a large state university eight hours from home and quickly decided its size and distance were too great.
He'd attended a summer camp at a small private college under an hour away. That didn't feel right either. I began to jokingly call him the Goldilocks of application season.
Eventually, he found three schools where he believed he could thrive. Each had the program he wanted at a midsize campus and a reasonable distance from home. They also represented a balanced list: a safety, a match, and a reach.
Yet even with those applications submitted, he still panicked: "Shouldn't I apply to other schools? There have to be more!"
We again went through the list of campuses he toured. He thought about the college reps who'd visited his high school. He didn't feel as if any other options were as appealing as his original three.
"Then just accept that this is your list and be done," I advised, seeing no need for him to waste his time or our money by applying to places in which he had no interest just to hit some arbitrary number.
Ultimately, he agreed.
Everyone was shocked that he was applying to only 3 schools
While Ben, his dad, and I were comfortable with this decision, others seemed shocked and concerned. When people asked where he'd applied and we listed the schools, they'd stammer: "That's it?! Why? What will you do if he doesn't get into one of those?"
We assured them we'd cross that bridge if we had to after the decisions arrived. That seemed to stress them out even further.
Ultimately, Ben got into his safety as well as his top choice. It was a relief to have the decision made, and we were glad he'd resisted the urge to flood admission portals just for the sake of it.
Ultimately, we did what was right for Ben
The college-application process has become notoriously nerve-racking for families. In fact, 72% of high-school students and their parents in a 2023 Princeton Review survey said they experienced high levels of stress when it came to this rite of passage. So I recommend finding ways to reduce the stress that's right for your student and your family.
Applying to three schools isn't right for everyone. It wouldn't have been a good choice for our older son. But if you have a student who knows what they want — and, just as important, what they don't want — there's no reason to buy into the madness of application season.