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- Before my son went to college, I warned him about the dark side of fraternities.
- After his first month at college, he told me he was joining a frat, and I started to worry.
- I learned to trust his judgment instead of relying on my preconceived notions about college life.
During my younger years, movies depicting fraternity boys as hard-drinking meatheads or predatory sex offenders were common. I grew up watching "National Lampoon's Animal House" and "Revenge of the Nerds."
I didn't join a sorority when I went to college in the 1990s. I didn't even go through the rush process because my mind was made up about Greek life. Throughout my college years, I met many fraternity and sorority members who reinforced the stereotypes I expected.
So you can imagine my shock when I learned my son decided to join a frat in his first month at college.
The summer before my son headed to college, I warned him about frats
My son was a high achiever in high school and couldn't wait to head to college in the fall of 2023. Before he left, we had many long talks about my college experience and things I wished I would have done differently.
I told him about my negative view of sororities and fraternities and the fact that I was sure he wouldn't have any interest in joining a frat. However, I encouraged him to join many activities or clubs in college because it would be a great way to make friends and become a well-rounded person.
When he left home for college, I was extremely sad but also confident he would do well and make great decisions — just as he had in high school.
My son told me some unexpected news a month after starting college
During a video chat one day, my son said he had met some fraternity members through his campus job. They told him he should try to join their frat because he would be a good fit, and he was considering it.
I was shocked because never in my wildest dreams had I imagined he would join a fraternity. It seemed like the complete opposite of who he was in high school. My husband and I were both worried about him joining a fraternity for many reasons. My husband was concerned about the cost and the time commitment, and I felt like the fraternity brothers would be a bad influence on him.
While I never told him he couldn't join, I asked him repeatedly if he was sure he even wanted to consider it. I pointed out the financial pressure it would create for him and told him I worried a fraternity would be too wild for him.
But the more my son learned about each member, the more determined he was to join. He thought the frat brothers were funny, smart, and outgoing; he loved how involved they were on campus.
Every time my son mentioned the frat, all I could picture were wild parties and degrading comments toward women. He laughed whenever I brought that up and said none of that happened in the fraternity he was joining. He and his frat brothers have had conversations about how fraternities are no longer like the ones many older generations remember.
After he joined, I started to realize I was wrong
Slowly but surely, I've warmed up to the idea of my son being in a fraternity. His frat brothers truly seem like nice guys, and they are all highly involved with campus activities. Each brother is required to put in volunteer hours, which is nice because it's something my son also did while living at home.
They've embraced him for who he is, and they are supportive of the small startup business he is trying to launch. They have a once-a-week study session where they work on their classes because they emphasize doing well in school. My son made the Dean's list during his first semester in college, which can be tricky for college freshmen.
As for the expense, my son picked up extra hours at the school cafeteria to pay for his dues. He also noted that two of his brothers received large national scholarships from their chapter this year, so he is looking forward to applying for scholarships next year.
I've taught him well, and now I need to trust his judgment
While I never envisioned my son joining a fraternity and wouldn't have chosen it for him, I'm glad he decided to follow his heart and prove me wrong. He helped me realize I don't know how different modern-day colleges are compared to when I attended in the 1990s.
Joining a fraternity has helped him come out of his shell, make new friends, and greatly increase his confidence. That's a successful freshman year of college by any standards. I'm glad he had the courage to challenge me on this because it shows me that he is becoming his own man.